These past few years, I’ve been scrutinized about my decisions in life. Particularly my decision to remain celibate I choose to do this, not because I solely want to. But instead, because I’m so drastically inflicted with a disease called chronic pelvic pain syndrome, that it has contaminated all aspects of my life. It has damaged me physically by an affliction of a stinging, piercing pain throughout the day all day everyday. Mentally, it has damaged me with a term called “catastrophic thinking”, which basically means that I think of the most absurd, dark, evil absurd outlandish things possible. Now, I’ve been getting alot of criticism from the gay community. I have nothing against gays, if youre gay that’s fine. Just that I’m not gay. If you’re lesbian, that’s really cool. Bi-sexuals are fine too. Same goes for transgender, even if that does freak me out a bit. As far as the reason behind people thinking I am gay, is solely because of this disease. I truely feel like I “was” possessed by something evil for me to have thought up some of the dark, homosexual, murderous thoughts I’ve been thinking of. Another important issue to tackle down is gun control. After the shootings in Aurora, Colorado…there is nothing I can do about such a tragic situation but offer prayers of support and words of encouragement to the families of the victims. What more can I do? But do what I’ve always done..to positively inspire myself and reciprocally inspiring others along the way unintentionally. But now I realize the power of my words and how it influences the lives of so many people. It’s incomprehensible, just please try to understand that this vessel you see before you is not the “real” me. I’ve been through more changes than an 80 year old man has gone through. My soul is literally aged at 40-something is what I sincerely believe. To the families and friends of the victims of the Dark Knight Rising premire: never forget to keep the faith and carry on as if nothing can harm you, that is the only way to overcome such devastating cisrcumstances.
With love, your friend and brother, Paul Hyunbin Kim.